It Doesn't Make Sense

Recently, an old friend approached me about the possibility of sitting down to share the story of what I went through when my parents divorced. She said that she was collecting stories of people whose families had been through separation and divorce. Children of divorce who'd somehow made it safely "to the other side". {For lack of much better words.}

My baby brother and I around 1988.

I called my little brother, and we talked about it briefly.

Our parents divorced when I was 22 and my brother was 19. They'd been living apart for a couple of years off and on, and much of their relationship's difficulties stemmed from my father's struggle with alcoholism. Being an adult child of divorce is much different than being a young child of divorce. The perspective completely changes regarding all of the years you've lived as a family unit, and your view of your future becomes all but invisible.

The bottom line for my brother and I, during that brief conversation, was just that it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make any sense that he and I are both still believing God is for us in this life. It doesn't make sense that we have such a healthy, strong relationship as siblings. It doesn't make sense that I'm in a healthy, loving, Christ-centered marriage. It doesn't make sense that my little brother and I are both involved in a thriving, Bible-believing, Spirit-filled church.

It doesn't make any sense...but God.

My mom, brother, dad, and me on my wedding day.

I have always said that I felt that God reached down and plucked Blake and I up out of a situation that could have completely changed the course of our lives. We were at such life-altering ages, and could have completely abandoned our faith based on the decisions our parents made. But God. For whatever reason, our good God saw fit to rescue us. To point us both in a direction toward men and women who would "parent" us when our parents couldn't. To fill our lives with mentors, dear friends, and people who shepherded us through a season that was one of the toughest we'd ever seen.

All I can say is that I'm unbelievably thankful. It doesn't make sense, but I'm so thankful.

So thankful that what may not make sense to me somehow makes sense to God.

O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders

for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list.

{Psalm 40:5a}

Birthday Prayer

A birthday prayer for my Allie-girl. Happy 2nd Birthday, love!

Father who breathed life into this daughter…

I pray for this girl being formed into eternity….

May the wind always be in her hair

May the sky always be wide with hope above her

And may all the hills be an exhilaration

the trials but a trail,

all the stones but stairs to God.

God, clothe this girl in a gown of grace

Grace, the only dress that makes beautiful,

the style of Your spirit.

Nourish her on the comfort food of the Word,

Word, that makes her crave more of Christ,

have hunger pangs for Him.

Enclose her in communion with You

You, Love who makes her love, who folds her heart into a roof

that absorbs storms for souls,

that makes her tongue speak only the words that make  souls stronger.

May her vocation in this world simply be translation

Translating every enemy into esteemed guest

Translating every countenance into the face of Christ

Translating every burden into blessing

When it’s hard to be patient… make her willing to suffer

When it’s ridiculous to be thankful … make her see all is grace

When it’s radical to forgive … make her live the foundation of our faith

And when it’s time to work… make her a holy wonder.

May she be bread and feed many with her life and her laughter

May she be thread and mend brokeness and knit hearts

May she be dead to all ladders & never go higher , only lower, to the lonely, the least & the longing

Her led of the Spirit to lead many to the Cross

that leads to the tomb wildly empty.

Oh, and raise me, Lord, from the deadness of my own sins to love this beautiful girl like You do…

In the name of Christ who rose

and appeared first

to one of His daughters…

Amen…

(borrowed from Ann Voskamp)

Love One Another

Over the past few weeks, we have been reading Tom Holladay's Relationship Principles of Jesus as a church. I have learned and relearned some amazing and applicable truths about how important relationships are to Jesus. By far, the most life-changing truth I learned, and really began to understand, was the simple commandment Jesus gives: "Love one another."

Love one another. I've heard these words probably since before I could understand them. They've been taught by Sunday School teachers, preached from the pulpit, and read over and over in a thousand devotional books. It was always easy for me to think I knew - and lived - what those words meant. I mean, loving others is easy, right? You don't go out of your way to be mean, don't talk about friends behind their backs, etc. I think my definition of loving others was more like a "what not to do" list.

Through reading this book, I began to really see and understand what it means to love others. To act in love. To be loving. To really, sincerely, genuinely apply the Golden Rule. To actually "do to others what you'd want them to do to you". To think of others before I think of myself, and to do so with a genuine love for them, and concern for their well-being, and their walk with God.

I have been deeply encouraged as I've walked through this learning process over the past few weeks. I've seen so much undeniable evidence that it truly is God's kindness (and His lovingness) that brings people to repentance. Why have I not been quicker to show such love and kindness to those around me?! I'm saddened to think of all of the opportunities that I've missed, but SO excited to move forward, walking in this new Jesus-empowered-love toward those He places around me!

Ah-Sis?

At church, we've been going through a book together. (The Relationship Principles of Jesus, by Tom Holladay) Everyone is reading the daily devotionals, and learning, together, about Jesus's interaction with others, and how He did relationships while He was here on earth. (By "everyone", I mean "everyone but me is staying on track with this". I've been sick, Allie has been sick, and I am currently feeling caught-up on my readings, because I'm *only* 3 days behind. Sigh.)

Last week, one day's focus was on prayer. Now, I've been a believer for 20+ years, so I've heard/read a lot about prayer in that time. Increasing the time I spend in prayer, especially for my family, is one of my goals for 2011. (Ok, I said it out loud now, so I've created some accountability, right?)

A few things I read, last week, on prayer:

• Jesus taught that our job is to pray with confidence.
• God is answering many of your prayers in ways you can't yet see --in ways you may not see until you get to Heaven. To acknowledge this doesn't provide an excuse; it recognizes our limitations and expresses confidence in God's perfect plan and power.
• Pray until one of two things happens: God changes the situation, or God changes you.
• Your persistence is instead an indicator of your desire and your dependence on God. Unless you truly depend on God, you will not persist in the conversation.

That last one has to be my very favorite. As the mommy of *gulp* a toddler, I am learning that repetition is the name of the game. If Allie loves to do something once, she loves to do it over and over and over again. She loves the same Baby Einstein video over and over, the same one baby doll to play with, the same 'hang me upside down and tickle me' game over and over, and thanks to her picky mama, the same foods all the time. Sometimes, let's be honest, it's just annoying. I don't want to see the episode of Special Agent Oso I've already seen 50 bazillion times before today, but she is just as excited about it now as the first time she saw it. The most annoying thing would have to be "ah-sis" (what's this). At only 13.5 months old, Allie already points at seemingly everything in her little world and asks, with an adorably inquisitive look on her face, "ah-sis?" The thing about it is, she will point to the same object 10, 20, 50 times in a row, and ask "ah-sis" over and over and over. My logical brain says that she's trying to learn the words, and learn how I'm saying them by listening to them repetitiously. My emotional self wants to just say, "I said it's this!!!" 

So back to the quote, "Your persistence is instead an indicator of your desire and your dependence on God. Unless you truly depend on God, you will not persist in the conversation." Sometimes I feel like I've said the same prayers a million times. Like I've asked God for the same protection, provision, healing, and grace as many times as Allie has asked me "ah-sis". At times, I start to pray something, and stop myself, because I think, "That's the same thing I asked for yesterday, and the day before that, and the month before that..." I love that I'm finally learning that this asking over and over is not an annoyance to my generous God. Instead, it is a sign that I'm depending solely on Him to provide what I'm asking for.

Nap Time: My Nemesis

Since Allie was tiny, she has struggled with taking consistent, good naps. By "good", I mean "an hour or more". Being a 'Baby Wise' mom, and someone who thrives on predictability, routine, and schedules, this has been a real challenge for me!

I have so many friends with babies around Allie's age who tell me, "Oh, my child takes two two-hour naps every day, I can hardly wake them," or at the least, "Just drop the morning nap, and she'll sleep for hours in the afternoon. Mine does!"I have read books, sought advice, rocked her, read to her, let her cry it out, let her sleep in my chest in the rocker, and she still just sticks to her own personal nap schedule. She prefers about 20-30 minutes in the morning, and, if I'm lucky, 45 minutes or MAYBE an hour in the afternoon.

As a stay-at-home-mom/work-at-home-mom, this makes it very challenging for me to accomplish the things I need to during the day. Not to mention the fact that it is exhausting!

I regret saying that I have only recently started praying through this frustration I have with Allie's nap schedule, or lack thereof. I want to learn whatever it is God is trying to teach me through this, and I don't think I've caught a glimpse of the lesson yet. I crave just a few minutes of solitude and rest during my days that are otherwise spent cleaning up sticky fruit juice off of the high-chair (and floor), trying to design monograms while Allie pushes the computer buttons to "help" me, rotating loads of laundry, printing shipping labels, packaging monograms, reading '1, 2, 3, Count With Me' a dozen times in a row,  snuggling Allie Joy, cutting up every meal into tiny, 1-year-old bites, giving Allie a bath because she rubbed chicken and fruit in her hair - again, and picking up leaky sippy cups from every room in the house. Please don't misunderstand me. I am unbelievably, amazingly blessed to get to spend my days in my home with Allie. It truly is living out a dream I've had since I was a little girl. I love every little snuggle, watching cartoons with her, teaching her to blow kisses, answering every little "what's that" she asks, and getting to be the one to comfort her whenever she's upset. I do not take it for granted, I am grateful every day to have the title of 'Mom', and pray I will always be able to be home with whatever children God entrusts to us. That said, 'living the dream' of being at home, is not an easy job. It is full to overflowing with responsibilities.

These aren't responsibilities I take lightly, either. I want to be "that mom". The one who really does have it all together. Dishes done. Laundry put away. Prayers said for each family member, and time spent in the Word. Floors swept (and steam-mopped). A child who naps. I know this woman doesn't really exist, but she does in my dreams and aspirations! :) I am learning, daily, that I have to constantly surrender my 'post' to God. I want to stand strong in the post He has placed me in, and thrive in it. And it looks like I'm going to have to do that while learning how to manage my time and energy with a child who is awake for most of the day at only a year old. That is the task before me, and I want to grow, learn, and draw closer to God through it. Ultimately, if that's the greatest struggle in my everyday walk as a mama, I'm a blessed girl!

So, here's to a new season - not just standing strong in my post, but embracing this season of my life that I know I'll, one day, long to have back. 

"Goodness Gracious"

I was given a devotional book for Christmas this year. It's not your run-of-the-mill devotional, either. It's HILARIOUS. It keeps my attention whether I'm reading at 5:50 a.m. before I go to the gym, or at 10:45 p.m. before I go to bed. I love it, and I love the amazing little truths it's reinforcing in my life as a wife, mom, and a child of God. It's called "Out of the Spin Cycle", and it's by Jen Hatmaker. I'm only on the 7th or 8th little 2-page devotional, but I am already ready to go to LifeWay and buy every book this girl has ever written. Love it!

I have been meditating on one entry that I started reading about 3 days ago. I haven't been able to move on to what's next, because this one hit me in a new and fresh way (PTL). I just keep going back each day and re-reading it, and I will continue to, because it's a truth that's important for every day of my life. I wanted to share it, especially with my young mommy friends, because it has encouraged me so deeply, and given me a new desire to spend time with the God who loves me so much. It will seem a little long typed out, but it's only 2 pages in the book, so please take the time to read and be encouraged! :)

"Scanning my bookshelves, I see about a billion books on parenting. I read eight books on babies before I ever gave birth to one. I've taken Lamaze classes, Baby Wise classes (don't start), and parenting classes. I've joined discussion groups on raising tweens and facilitated book studies on balanced motherhood. I've downloaded helpful sermons and read countless websites. I've made lists and plans on how to manage summer/chores/homework/discipline/sleepovers/house rules.
   And then there is real motherhood, which knocks out half of this stuff.
   Because sometimes, despite your careful strategizing and planning and reading and organizing, your two-year-old takes his diaper off in the middle of Target and runs up the cereal aisle while you scream at him like a mental patient. And sometimes, after you've planned the perfect playdate, your daughter bites your new friend's baby and flushes her phone down the toilet.
   And sometimes, when your precious firstborn son - the one you read all the baby books for and raised lovingly for ten years - opens a fresh, sassy mouth to you when you are already idling high, you accidentally tell him to get a shovel, go in the backyard, and dig his own grave. This, I don't have to tell you, is behavior Ted Tripp would frown upon in Shepherding a Child's Heart.
   Not surprisingly, when I made that shockingly horrible statement to my son, I was exhausted, stretched thin, out of the Word, and in a prayer slump. I was running on spiritual fumes. My only intake was whiny children, mountains of laundry, a Suite Life of Zack and Cody marathon, and four hundred thousand pieces of correspondence from Elm Grove Elementary to attend to.
   There is a simple explanation according to Jesus:

For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. The good man brings good

things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of 

the evil stored up in him.     Matthew 12:34-35

   Motherhood is like a pitcher with a hole in the bottom: a constant drain on our energy, patience, and tolerance. Every mother who is telling the truth would attest to that. Add something like a child with autism, single motherhood, a financial crisis, or a crumbling marriage, and it's a wonder we have anything left to give.

   Our only hope to speak with kindness, to lead with patience, and not to threaten our children with homicide is to ensure our spiritual reserves are not bone dry.. Moms are the middle of the flow chart; the arrows of exertion flow constantly out from us, but when no arrows of strength, grace, and peace are flowing in, the whole mechanism is in danger.

   Goodness in equals goodness out.

   No goodness in equals no goodness out.

   This is a simple truth recognized by Jesus and every other parenting expert, but one most moms fail to take seriously. We're too busy for the Word. We're too tired to pray. We have too much going on to join a small group. Under the banner of selflessness, we neglect our own spiritual health and sabotage the very service we want to render.

   When God's word is flowing through my life, my baby can spill his fourth drink of the day, and I can say, "It's just a drink." When I'm spiritually dry, I could literally lie on the soggy floor and bawl over it. When Jesus has spoken peace into my life, I'm able to discipline consistently when my toddler pitches her third tantrum of the morning. If my pitcher is empty, I might lock myself in the bathroom and scream at the top of my lungs.

   Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.

   If nothing good is stored up, where are we possibly going to draw patience? Grace? Longsuffering? Young motherhood is too demanding to attempt without a deep connection to Christ. I literally don't know how women do it without Him.

   No, you don't have to spend an hour a day in the Word.

   No, it's not necessary to look up Greek definitions and create outlines.

   No, you don't need to build a prayer shrine with candles and worship music.

   But a simple space at the beginning of your day before anyone needs to be attended to in any way, a moment just for you and God and His beautiful Word - this is essential. This is where goodness is stored up for the day, and you'll need it; it's perishable. This is when Jesus reminds you, "You can do this. I'm right here." It's how you become centered and remember that spilled drinks and tantrums are a blip on the timeline of your life. It's when God can whisper, "I have all you need."

  Goodness in, goodness out.

   Take care of the first, and the second is covered.

Happy 2011!

2010 was one busy, crazy year for the Rieger family! Our God has been so faithful through every bit of it, and I am so thankful He is always constant!

The new year is always a time of reflection for me. I tend to need to reflect on the past year before I'm able to really look ahead to the new one. I love to see all that's taken place, all that's been accomplished, all that's been gained and lost in the past, and see God's hand in all of it. This is really all just for me - processing, thinking aloud, and taking a look back at the year, so that I can wake tomorrow ready to move ahead into ALL that God has laid out for me in 2011!

2010...
*I've never been more proud of myself than I am for nursing Allie for the first year of her life. This was one of the most challenging things I've ever done, and I am thankful to God for placing encouraging mommy friends around me to tell me it would get better - and it did! So thankful I was able to give her this gift.
*I rang in 2010 by bringing Allie home from the hospital.
*We went on our first ever family vacation to see my one and only cousin get married on the beach in Florida. It was so fun and memorable, and we're so blessed to have Mary as a part of our family now!
*Adam and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary and 6th year together - Praise God!
*The iPhone 4 came out (I know this seems lame, but it's allowed us to document SO much of little Allie's life - such a fun blessing!)
*I've watched my dad go through lots of struggles this year, and learned a lot about trusting God through this process. We are continuing to pray for complete healing in his life, and that God will have victory over Dad's addiction.
*This year, I enjoyed shopping for my daughter much more than for myself.
*We had so much fun watching the Texas Rangers play in the World Series!
*We experienced our first (and hopefully last) trip to the E.R. with Allie, when she fell off of the kitchen counter-top out of her bumbo seat. I am still so thankful to God for protecting her from any worse injury than a goose-egg on the head. Thankful, thankful, thankful.
*I didn't teach, help with, or attend a single sewing lesson at Memaw's house. For the first time in my life. I think 26 years was probably enough, but I do miss being with my precious Memaw daily.
*I got beautiful diamond earrings for my first Mother's Day. Shortly after, I got my ears double-pierced so that I could wear them always.
*God drew me closer to Him through many late-night prayers when I was up with Allie.
*I watched my little brother grow and mature in Christ, and become a true leader in the eyes of our family. So thankful for him, and the healthy relationship we have.

I have lots of "I wonder"'s about 2011. I am praying that God will keep my eyes fixed on Him as He leads me through this year, drawing me closer to His side, and working in and through all of the relationships He has placed me in. I have a few small, hopefully attainable, goals for the new year.

*Calorie Counting for all of January at least. This helps me be more attentive to what I'm eating. It's not a weight-loss plan, just a "mindfulness" plan. Doing this ever so often is always eye-opening to me.
*Being better about meal/grocery planning and spending. I know that planning ahead saves both time and money, and I need to purpose to do that.
*Seek opportunities (and TAKE the opportunities) to bless and encourage those around me, showing the Love of Christ. I want to be intentional about encouraging others - whether by cards in the mail, notes on Facebook, phone calls, or face to face time together.
*Pray with Allie more. Sounds simple enough, but this is a lifetime habit I want to root in her from a young age. I want to build more prayer into my life, too, and why not do it together? :)

I am so grateful that, whatever this year holds, God holds all of it in His careful, big-enough hands to carry it all.

Summer Splash 2010

I.love.my.church.

This past weekend, I attended my second annual Summer Splash at Milestone Church. It was such a sweet time of learning and fellowship! Friday night, our amazing pastors' wives put together a hilarious intro to the weekend. It seems that, at each women's event, we love to humiliate at least one man by asking that he dress up as a woman and act out something embarrassing. It definitely got everyone loosened up and excited about the weekend! (View part of the intro on the Milestone Women Facebook Page.) So funny!

Beautiful decorations in the atrium at church!

Streamers that landed all over me!

Holly Wagner (author of the God Chicks books) was our guest speaker for the weekend. She was so great! High-energy, funny, and full of truths that I definitely needed to hear. She spoke a lot about what it means to "stay at your post". I am still pondering all of the truth that these verses hold. They'll definitely be on some 3 x 5 cards on my mirror in the near future.

2 Corinthians 6: 4-10 (MSG)

Our work as God's servants gets validated - or not - in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly...in hard times, tough times, bad times; when we're beaten up, jailed, and mobbed; working hard, working late, working without eating; with pure heart, clear head, steady hand; in gentleness, holiness, and honest love; when we're telling the truth, and when God's showing His power; when we're doing our best setting things right; when we're praised, and when we're blamed; slandered, and honored; true to our word, though distrusted; ignored by the world, but recognized by God; terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead; beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die; immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy; living on handouts, yet enriching many; having nothing, having it all.

When others watch me, that's what I want them to see. That's the cry of my heart. I want them to see me living life "with a pure heart, clear head, steady hand; in gentleness, holiness, and honest love;...immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy." I can't wait to see, over these next weeks and months, how God cultivates and grows the seeds of truth He planted in me this weekend!

After the amazing worship and hearing from Holly, we had a 'County Fair' after party. They had everything you could imagine! Two ice cream trucks serving yummy frozen yogurt, a corny dog stand (and yes, I say "corny" dog, not "corn" dog), all kinds of popcorn, watermelon slices, and glass-bottled Coke. It's a good thing Holly didn't speak on gluttony! This was one of my favorite parts of the weekend. I enjoyed all kinds of yummy goodies, spent time with friends, made a great new friend, and did a LOT of laughing. I didn't realize how hungry I was for this fellowship! I love that God knows what I need better than I do. On my half-hour drive home Friday night, I felt so refreshed and rejuvenated, I didn't know how I'd ever fall asleep. I am SO glad we are called to walk through this life with people! I love doing life with my precious friends!

Saturday morning, there was more fun to be had. This was just part of it. Oh! I forgot to mention the awesome flip flops they gave away to everyone Friday night! They're so cute, and they say "beautiful feet" on the straps. Love them! Saturday morning, they gave us all these amazing canvas bags with our women's ministry logo on them. They were made by women in a foreign country (I can't remember where) who used to have to earn money by selling themselves, and now, make these bags to earn a living. Pretty cool! Our amazing pastor's wife, Brandy Little, spoke Saturday morning, followed by another message from Holly before we wrapped up the weekend.

I feel so blessed to have been a part of the weekend!

My Ministry

I have struggled much lately to discover the position(s) of ministry God has for me during this season of my life. I recently read a friend's quote saying, "Don't sacrifice your family on the altar of ministry". There are so many things I'd love to be a part of: women's Bible studies, student events, VBS, one-on-one discipleship, and the list goes on. All of those are good things, but are they BEST during this season of my life? It isn't my desire to simply do what's "good", but what's "best"! 1 Corinthians 10:23 says, "All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify."I want the things I do to be profitable, to edify. I want my daily life to be pleasing to God, a sweet aroma to Him.

As I've mulled over that quote for days on end, I wondered...wouldn't it be just as easy to sacrifice ministry on the altar of your family?

After much scripture-searching and prayer, God has been faithful to affirm, over and over, that my place of ministry IS my family. This was a hard realization for me, at first. With Allie being so little, it's difficult for me to see tangible ways I am ministering to her outside of meeting her basic needs. Yes, I read her "baby" Bible stories, play and sing songs of God's love over her, pray with her, and do my very best to empty myself out so that God can love her to His fullest capacity through me. In the day-to-day, though, those things don't necessarily make me feel like I'm really making a difference. They just seem like the obvious choices.

I so desperately want God to enable me to be the wife and mommy HE desires me to be. I think this past couple of weeks of sifting through scriptures, learning that "family" and "ministry" aren't two separate things, is pushing me forward in the right direction.

Though others can't see my ministry to my family day in and day out, that doesn't discount it. That ministry isn't any less valuable just because it's not in the spotlight.

I am so blessed to have so many examples of Godly wives and moms around me to look to as examples, and continue to learn from!

My First Mother's Day

I guess, technically, it's not my "first" Mother's Day - just my first one as a mom. Technically.

Last year, we barely knew Allie existed on Mother's Day. We had the joy of telling our moms about her upcoming arrival for their Mother's Day gift. Such a special memory! Who knew that one year later, I'd be up typing a blog only 8 minutes into Mother's Day while listening to Allie fuss on the baby monitor. (I'm sure she was just excited to be the VERY first to tell me "Happy Mother's Day", and wanted to do so RIGHT on time at midnight.)

I had hoped to have some grand insight to write about on this occasion. I'd anticipated learning an amazing new truth at church, but Allie wasn't very willing to let me pay attention last night. I was, however, reminded of where God has brought me on my seemingly short journey as a mama. Standing in church last night, now sitting at the back instead of the front of the now one-year-old Milestone Church building, hands raised alongside Adam's, I was reminded that, truly, NOTHING is impossible for God. As we sang the bridge to 'Healer' over and over, "Nothing is impossible for You, Nothing is impossible for You..." I was reminded how tightly I clung to those words when we were waiting to get pregnant. No, we didn't have great difficulty or trials in this area, but I think that the heart of any woman who desires motherhood is so anxious and ready to know that a healthy, happy, baby is finally being formed by the Creator's hands. I clung to the scriptures that claimed "nothing is impossible with God". Truly, HE IS FAITHFUL! I couldn't help but tear up tonight as I sang those words, seeing my wonderful husband next to me as he held our baby girl with one hand, and raised the other in praise to the God who has given us more than we could've ever dared to hope for (Eph. 3:20).

Thank you, Jesus, for the gift of being Allie's mom. Please grant me wisdom and knowledge, sensitivity to your Spirit's leading, patience, and gentleness to know how to mother her day in and day out. Bless my relationship with her, and let it always be healthy, fruitful, and pleasing to You above all else. Grow her to be an amazing, Spirit-filled, Godly, joyful, healthy young woman of God who runs after You with every ounce of her being. Thank you for the ways you are already growing these traits and character qualities in her, and the ways you are already beginning to draw her unto yourself, Jesus. Bless little Allie, and cause me to be a blessing to her!

One Year Ago Today...

I took my first home pregnancy test that resulted in a "+" sign! I can't believe a full year has passed since that day. After days on end of feeling crummy, I took the test on a whim, not really thinking anything of it. I was home alone, and sure I would just take it, it would be negative, and I wouldn't have to deal with the build-up of having to tell Adam and then let us both down.

Needless to say, that was not the case! After crying and practically jumping up and down in our little bathroom, I checked - and then checked again - and then checked again - to be sure it was still positive. Then, I called Adam. I don't think either of us really knew how to respond to this news! Little did we know that one short year later, we'd have an almost-4-month-old on our hands!

The past 12 months have been some of the craziest, most exciting of my life. I am still so unbelievably grateful to God for giving me a healthy, uneventful pregnancy, and a gorgeous, healthy, joyful baby girl!!!

Ephesians 3:20 is my favorite scripture of all: "By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we could ever dare to ask or hope."

That's what He has done for me. He's given me "infinitely more than I could've ever dared to ask or hope for." I am so humbled, and so thankful.

16: Glory-Strength

I realized sometime during the night, or in the early morning hours, something very important. I've been so extremely focused on how to get baby Allie here over the past few days. So focused, in fact, that I've neglected to ask God about it. I've neglected to pray, to seek, to listen. I sometimes feel so emotionally led these days that I think, somehow, it's a good excuse to push Him aside. "He'll understand. He created me! He created pregnancy! He knows what I'm going through right now." Yes, He does understand, and He is in control, but that in NO way excuses me from continually submitting to His sovereign authority and grace...and from simply talking to Him about it.

This is the verse He led me to this morning:

Colossians 1:11-12 (The Message) "We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that He has for us."

That's the strength I so deeply desire to have within me, and to display, as I walk with God through these last days of my pregnancy: Glory-Strength.

This song is one that has been on repeat this morning in my house...

'While I'm Waiting' by John Waller

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Takeing every step in obedience

While I'm waiting

I will serve You

While I'm waiting

I will worship

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

29...Hopefully Less

Today has been a day in which I've had one phrase cross my mind about 50 times: "I'm so done being pregnant." Clothes don't fit quite right, Allie's growing body seems to continually roll around trying to find a comfortable position, and tonight, my back started hurting so badly during church I couldn't bear to stay seated any longer.

Thank goodness the women's Christmas event last night and Pastor Jeff's sermon tonight were both focused on an important and relevant topic for this season of my life: Joy. Not only is it our Allie's middle name, but it is an important part of what Christ has called me to as His child. One thing Pastor Jeff discussed in the service tonight was how our joy can sometimes become based on external, circumstantial things rather than being based on our walk with Christ. My joy (or lack thereof) today was definitely circumstantial. I pray that from now on, each time I think of my sweet Allie's middle name, I will remember the true source of real joy, and strive to count my blessings. One of my favorite things said last night, and repeated tonight, was this:

"The thing you magnify most in life will become bigger and bigger."

If I continue to magnify my discomfort, impatience, I will see it as growing bigger and bigger...worse and worse. However, if I magnify Christ and keep my eyes on Him, He will become greater while everything else in life becomes less.

Hayley, Mom, Me, and Kristen at the JOY event at Milestone last night.

Colossians 3:15

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." - Colossians 3:15

Today feels like a beginning of sorts. Since discovering I was pregnant in early May, we've looked forward to the distant holiday season as the time baby Allie will arrive. Today is the "official" kick-off of the "distant" holiday season.

I've been going through old blog posts I wrote leading up to my wedding day. Reading them through a few tears, and remembering all of those feelings of anticipation (and maybe a little fear, too), has reminded me of why I started blogging in the first place. It's amazing how much I've learned this morning from my "former self". So thankful for the journeys God has taken me on since those days, and for a clear picture of the ways I've changed and grown!

One of my favorite quotes from my own blog, about 2.5 years ago, as I counted down the days to my wedding: "This is a season of life that everyone keeps telling me to enjoy to the utmost, and that's my goal, even if it means enjoying every little stress. Either way, I want to remember it well." What a perfect way to sum up what I'm feeling as our first precious baby's due date is 5 weeks and 3 days away. It is my heart's desire to enjoy and soak in all of these next days and weeks anticipating her arrival, and to be thankful through all of it.

Thankfulness has become slightly more challenging in these past couple of weeks with strong jabs waking me in the middle of the night, and the feeling that I should just set up camp in the bathroom. I love every movement, and every hiccup I feel from sweet Allie, dont' get me wrong. She's clearly beginning to outgrow her space, though, and that makes for some discomfort on my part (and hers, I'm sure)! I will strive to remain thankful, whether she arrives before or after Christmas; whether she's born this year or next; whether she is early or late...she'll be right on time. I am SO thankful that I can trust in my sovereign, great God, and know that He always knows what is best - not just what is good, or what "might work", but what is BEST. I can trust, on the days that I want her here so badly, that God, in His mercy, saw fit for her to get one more protected day of growth.

Today, I'm thankful for...

• My sweet husband, still sleeping soundly in the next room.
• Our precious baby Allie Joy, who will get to enjoy her first Thanksgiving meal a year from today at almost 1 year old.
• A healthy pregnancy.
• Two freshly-bathed and brushed doggies sitting at my feet in this dimly-lit living room.
• My family. All of them. Those who've gone, and those I'll see today.
• All the blessings that God continually pours out on my life in the form of friendships, a wonderful church family, providing for us to have a beautiful, safe home and all of the things in it.
• Memaw's house on Thanksgiving day. I hope we can continue to be there on this day for many years to come.
• New warm, fuzzy slippers.
• Scripture. Praise music. Prayer. All the things that draw me closer to God.

Happy Thanksgiving

Learning to Listen

For around 5 weeks now, I have been battling a cough. It's the same cough that tends to visit me around this time every year or two, and it loves me so much, it sticks around for weeks on end. It began with an awful chest cold, developed into a cough, and then almost 3 weeks ago, led to (what we believe to be) a fractured rib because the cough is so intense.

I hated to have to take medicine, because of baby Allie, but it has been necessary for me to live on Robitussin from time to time! I am so thankful for a wise doctor who I can trust, though.

For the better part of the past 5 weeks, Adam has encouraged me not to talk. Talking seems to lead to coughing, so it just makes more sense to avoid talking altogether. Let me tell you - when every cough brings a stabbing pain in your rib, and talking leads to coughing - you think twice about whether or not you really need to speak!

Proverbs 10:19 says "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." I promise you, I am not often wise in this respect. My words are, more often than not, many. What I've learned in these past weeks is how much of my usual speech is completely unnecessary. When I'm listening to a conversation, and I have something to add, I carefully consider if it's worth it for the physical pain it might bring. It's a tough way to learn a tough lesson, but I'm thankful that the Lord is teaching me to tame my ever-busy tongue.

I've learned that my time alone in the car can be quiet and prayerful instead of being filled with end-to-end phone calls. I've learned that sitting quietly with my husband at the dinner table can be even more relaxing and enjoyable than a good conversation. I've learned that over half of the things I want to say on a whim are not deemed "worth it". I've learned how to be a better listener to those around me - without interrupting or waiting for the next lull in conversation to add my two cents.

Hopefully, I've learned just a little more about what it means to be a Titus 2 woman of God with a gentle and QUIET spirit.

Though I'm thankful to finally be feeling better, I pray I will continue to listen more than I speak, and to consider my words as wisely as I have over the past few weeks.

Stop This Train

Lately, especially in the past week or so, I've felt like life is spinning out of control all around me at a rapid pace! In the past 2-3 months, I've had at least 5 friends get engaged. As if that weren't enough, the events of the past week have gotten even bigger and better!

In the past week, well actually, in the past 5 days:

• A girlfriend I have known since we were in diapers welcomed her first sweet baby (a beautiful baby girl) into the world on July 4th.

• I found out about not one, but two friends of mine expecting little ones just a few short weeks after our Baby Rieger arrives.
• I celebrated the upcoming arrival of another baby girl with friends at a fun, frilly baby shower.
• I waited, impatiently, (and Facebook stalked) to hear (read) news of a "mystery baby's" birth yesterday. It's a boy! An adorable one, I might add, and the son of a girlfriend I've known since we were 12.

In each of these milestone events, amid the crazy hype of all of it, there are moments in which I can't help but sit back and be so completely thankful to and utterly dependent upon my awesome, giving God. He truly is the giver of all good gifts! Though sometimes I do feel like I want to "stop this train...to get off and go home again", I know that God's timing is at work, and is always better than my own.

This is a season of life I've always looked forward to, so instead of looking back, I want to revel in every minute of all that God is doing in and around me.

Psalm 36:5 "Your love, O Lord, reaches to the Heavens, Your

faithfulness to the skies."

Where the Light Is

This morning, I was awakened to tell Adam goodbye before he spends the day at a church fundraiser golf tournament. He had to leave by 6:30, and I couldn't seem to fall back asleep after that.

Venturing out into the dark living room, I noticed, even though the blinds were all closed, and the curtains drawn, that the morning light was finding its way through the blind slats, and around the curtain edges. It was so comforting to see that even in a place that seemed completely dark, light was finding its way through. Whether I closed the curtains or shut the blinds, the light was still there in some small way making itself known. I love mornings. Not when they're frazzled and hurried, but when I take a few minutes to appreciate the true new beginning I'm given each morning. The fresh, piercing light is such a sweet reminder of that.

After a few minutes of sitting in the 'mostly darkness', I reached for the light switch to turn on the kitchen light. I paused before flipping it on, because it was a clear reminder of how I allow the so-called 'light' manufactured by this world to take the place of the True Light.

1 John 2:8 'Yet I am writing you a new command; it is truth seen in him and in you, because the darkness is passing, and the true light is already shining.'

Putting off Selfishness / Putting on Servanthood

I've read the words in Philippians 2 probably hundreds of times. They've never made much sense, because I have always struggled with the question of what it really means to "consider others better than yourself."

I have seen a number of people take this to the extreme of being a "doormat". A doormat is NOT what scripture is calling us to in Philippians 2! I used to go to that extreme, myself, but not anymore. The "doormat" person lets everyone walk all over them. They surrender every desire, opinion, and every opportunity to speak up. They automatically defer to the other party, and never give thought to what they want or need themselves.

A few people I know have taken Philippians 2 with a grain of salt, and basically, decided that it means "consider others better than yourself when you'd like some extra "thank-you's" or pats on the back". This group has it all wrong, too.

I've been reading a wonderful book for the past few weeks, A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George. The past two or three chapters have been focused on my relationship with my husband, and how I can prioritize it so that Adam feels loved and valued, and so that our marriage remains the number one relationship in our lives next to our Savior. The thing I love about this book is that it's overflowing with amazing examples and specific ways to carry out the instruction the author gives. For example, instead of just saying "Prepare for His Arrival Home from Work", she goes on to list ideas a wife might use during that time: Set the table, so that he knows he can expect a wonderful meal soon, turn the TV off so that it is calm and quiet, think of the things in the house that are important to him and be sure they're accomplished, refresh your make-up, brush your hair, try not to be on the phone when he gets home, etc. Reading all of these things is helping me learn how to pay attention to Adam and know that by serving him in these ways, I am serving my God and giving Him the glory for my healthy, Christ-centered marriage!

So, back to Philippians 2... I realize now, that "considering others better than myself" doesn't mean making myself a doormat, nor does it mean putting any other person up on a giant pedestal. It mean putting Christ on a pedestal, keeping my eyes on Him, and serving others solely as a means to glorify His name and purpose! The verse now makes sense in context with the full chapter!

Philippians 2

Imitating Christ's Humility

¹If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ²then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. ³Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
⁶Who, being in very nature^a]">[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
⁷but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature^b]">[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
⁸And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
⁹Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father...

I know it seems so basic and simple. I am called to be a servant to others because my Jesus, who was in very nature God, made Himself NOTHING. My attitude should be the same. When my identity is found in Jesus, there is no possible way that this could mean my getting walked all over and not looking out for myself. It means me recognizing my own desires, and seeking to place someone else's desires ahead of my own.

After struggling with this for years, I'm excited to finally have a glimpse into the truth that lies in these words.

One Look Challenge

A couple of weeks ago, we learned about the 'One Look Challenge' in a weekend church service.

Our church is relaunching as we move into our amazing new facility on Keller Parkway, and the One Look Challenge is a big part of the relaunch.

Take a few minutes to visit the site! It's filled with wonderful testimonies of the ways Jesus has worked miracles and changed lives of His children!

One Look Challenge

What a blessing it is to be a part of a church family that doesn't forget what the Lord has brought us all out of, and how He has rescued us from ourselves! These stories of healed marriages, new purpose in Christ, and emotional healing are what pushes me forward with a deep desire to share my own testimony with those I meet - in hopes that they might see even a glimpse of who my great God is to me!

Trusting

Trust: assurance, confidence, certainty, conviction, expectation, faith...

I've learned a lot lately about trust. It's a word that is spoken often. It has hit me recently as something I've always heard but never fully understood. (Not that there are any aspects of Christ that we can ever fully understand...)

During a sweet time of praise and worship last month, I really sensed the Holy Spirit's presence. He was bringing to mind each member of my family individually, and as soon as their faces would cross my mind, he would say, "Just trust me". I am a worrier much more than I'd like to admit. I worry about relationships, dynamics in friendships, my family's health, their walks with the Lord, the standard stuff, I suppose. As God brought to mind each of these people, one by one, He instructed me, gently, to trust Him with my worries about them, their relationships, and their walk with Him.

Since then, I've learned a lot about my identity in Christ as I've learned to trust Him more. Who am I in Him? How does He see me?

• His child: His goodness and mercy chase after me!
• He is for me!
• He accomplishes all things for me!
• He hems me in behind and before!
• He has anointed me with the oil of joy!
• He is faithful and trustworthy!
• He is my refuge and strength!
• I am blessed because He chose to bring me near to Him!
• He is sovereign over my life and everything in it.

From my list, it's easy to tell that most of the things I've discovered about my identity as a daughter of Christ are actually characteristics of Christ himself. I find my identity in who He is as my father, my protector, my leader, and my Savior.

I'm still learning a lot about this, but I'm so thankful to be walking closely with, and finally, genuinely, TRUSTING my Jesus.