Friday, February 8, 2008

things I thought would never change

When you're in the middle of having a blast running all over town every weekend with your great group of closest-friends-ever as a teenager, some adult says to you, "Enjoy it. It will all be different one day."

You shake your head with a full and sure knowledge that it truly will NEVER change. You are connected to these people. You know them inside and out, and they you. If the direction of the wind so much as shifts, you call one another to report it.

I must've blinked. You know how people say, "Don't blink. You'll miss it"? I did.

I feel like I woke up one day and turned to find an amazing husband by my side. A wonderful, supportive love that I'm still surprised I found. But is it ok that sometimes I miss my friends?

In high school, if they're lucky, everyone has that amazing, steady, dependable group of friends to hang out with on the weekends. When Friday rolls around, you don't call one another to see if you're hanging out, but to find out just what you're doing, because it's a given that you'll be together. My favorite nights were the sleep-over ones, especially at Hillary's. Looking back, it seems like they were probably every weekend. We'd all lay on the sofa for hours watching Notting Hill, or Steel Magnolias so that we could pick which character we all were. We'd make cheese dip, or sometimes Hill would concoct some new dish using her mom's over-the-top kitchen gadgets. It would usually sit on the countertop all night, and we'd heat it up for breakfast.

By the time I got to college, it had already all changed. I just didn't realize the permanence of that change yet. "My girls" and I used to see one another at least on a monthly basis. My "BFF" (don't worry, we only call each other that to make fun of the 14-year-olds who actually say it out loud) and I saw each other at least a hundred times a week. If we didn't, you could bet that our voice-mail boxes, text inboxes, and e-mailboxes were overflowing.

Before that started to dwindle too much, Adam and I got engaged. Best. Day. Ever. I had the blessing of sharing it with everyone I love. It was so exciting and fulfilling all at once! My girls were forced to spend time with me for the next 8 months, helping me plan every detail of my wedding. They were so precious and fun and gracious in all that they did, and I'm thankful for every bit of it. After the wedding, though... we haven't seen much of each other. We've all been together on 2 occasions since then. Two. In nearly 10 months, we've been together twice.

Things really do change in the blink of an eye.

Today, I can honestly say that it has probably been two weeks or more since I have had even a phone conversation with anyone who isn't in my immediate family. I love my life. I feel safer, stronger, and more secure than I have in a long, long time. But just because I'm thrilled to be right where my precious Jesus has placed me today doesn't mean that I'm not nostailgic for the days that brought me here.

Maybe it's my own fault. Maybe I have not put enough effort and time into trying to be available to talk with and spend time with the people I love most in life. Maybe I'll add that to my list, if it's not too late, of new year's resolutions...

Maybe I'm just in the doldrums today because I've been sick with a stupid upper respiratory infection for a WEEK.

Either way, I choose Christ. And in Him, I choose to say, as Jim Elliot did, "Wherever you are, be ALL THERE." Today, I will be the best possible sickly wife, daughter, sister, granddaughter, and friend I can be.

1 comment:

K. Hart said...

Tori. thanks so much for writing this, you can't possibly know how much this resonates. I've been thinking these same thoughts for so long; today I was struggling so much with this, that I went through and looked at ALL 3,000-something of the photos of my carefree highschool days on my computer.

Thanks friend. Love you.