Friday, December 21, 2007

i don't like change

The past three, or really five, years of my life have held one change after another. And not just the kind of changes that you quickly adjust to, and then things continue as usual. The kind of changes that drastically alter the way you look at your life and the lives of those around you. The kind of changes that shake you to the core, and make you forget what life was like before.

I've lost both my sweet grandfathers, my once vivacious aunt, and any semblance of an 'immediate family' when my parents divorced two years ago. Not to mention the fact that I got married [8 months ago today, actually], moved into a new home, and started a completely new life. Even the changes that are a little more distant, like friends moving out of state, or returning to the church I grew up in, still deeply affect my daily life. These changes always weigh heavy on my heart and mind during the holidays, because it is a time when the drastic difference between what used to be and what is now is placed under a microscope.

Some of these changes have undoubtedly been joyful and exciting, while others were heartbreaking in a way I cannot describe.

Another change that I can hardly believe is my little brother growing up. He is, and has always been, one of my best friends, and favorite people to laugh with. We are so blessed to have the relationship we have! I see him thriving in a job he loves, growing in his relationships, becoming a leader in the church, and ultimately seeking the heart of Christ. I'm so very thankful for all of these things in him, but it is still a little unsettling, at times, to think of him being so grown up.

Ultimately, I am just so incredibly thankful to proclaim that I serve the sovereign God. The God who, according to Romans 8:28, "works all things," even these scary, new changes, including death and divorce, "for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." Through all the ups and downs that now make up my past, I thankfully praise my God for His faithfulness to His children!

"Captivate us, Lord Jesus! Set our eyes on You. Devastate us with Your presence falling down! Rushing river, draw us nearer. Holy fountain, consume us with You! Captivate us, Lord Jesus, with You... And Let everything be lost in the shadows of the light of Your face! Let all these chains be broken from me as I'm bound in Your grace! For Your yoke is easy, your burden is light, full of wisdom, power and might. And every eye will see you..."

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